“It is a relief to let go of the need to know. In fact, it is better not to think we need to answer, and to allow authentic responses to arise on their own.” Narayan Helen Liebenson, The Magnanimous Heart
This quote (from Narayan Helen Liebenson, The Magnanimous Heart) was my guiding advice as I stepped into Studio 8 at Playa at Summer Lake. I did not come to this artist residency with a project in mind. My rules were simple: 5 days, make art, use portable materials. My usual oil or acrylic enamel paints were not options as we were traveling in a 1988 Ford Econoline camper van, with no place for wet work to dry.
Day 1. The silence of the playa let me hear the voices in my head. Influences come from many places – fellow artists, historic artists, place, Buddhist dharma, poems. It gets loud in there.
It is important to recognize that the voices in my head are mine. How I resonate what is expressed to me by another is separate from what is expressed by the other. What I resonate with is influential not because of any empirical value it possesses but because it brings forth my heart.
Day 2. Everything is an abstraction. There is no such thing as abstraction.
I started with observed reality – captivated by the playa as a marvel of changing light and color. In the evening, the playa looked like the sea, jade green with blazing gold mountains behind. Before that, it was sahara golden, with mountains of sienna and umber. How can I not respond with gesture? Impossible. And yet, good practice to consciously touch into my own felt truth – to bring the living forward.
I recognize the spaciousness that the playa gives and it is the same spaciousness of Discovery Bay. Horizon. Wildness. Changing light. The busy, busy natural world, going about its own way.
My time followed an unplanned flow: Coffee, breakfast, meditation, studio, field work, lunch, meditation, studio, field work, dinner, wine, studio, dharma, bed. Repeat.
I tell myself: Let watercolor be watercolor. Use the white of the paper. Liquefy charcoal. Use watercolor opaquely, scrape it on. Landscape as much as your heart desires.
Day 3. Doubt creeps in. Am I “getting anything” from this time? Just painting with a kind of abandon. No learnings. Just painting. Seeing. Painting. I invite the other artists to step into the studio and then think, what the hell am I doing? There’s nothing to see here. And then another hour in the studio, and well, maybe there is something to see.
I am physically tired. In a really good way.
When I am working on abstractions pulled from plein air sketches, I am not working – consciously at least – from an emotional felt sense. I am working from a sense of presence, of shadow and light, composition, balance and a love of the stroke. I am faithful to the sketch – feeling my way through what works and doesn’t. Extrapolation abstraction.
Day 4. I am at ease. I am in the present tense. I go to the ridge. I go to the playa. The silence is amazing.
More dharma (adapted by me for the path of the artist): “As practitioners (artists) we tend to feel that our practice is not good enough. We compare ourselves to others and come up short. When we do so, the practice becomes a burden instead of a path of liberation. Instead of simply walking the path, it becomes “my” path (art), as if it were something we could own or possess… if we have been on this path for a significant amount of time, we imagine we should be ‘farther along’ than we think we are. But as our practice deepens, measuring and evaluation are what drop away.”
“Dropping” does not mean I do not grow or learn or get inspired by others, new methods, techniques, etc. What it means is to understand a basic trust in my art. Trust it, because who else can I be? Express it, because this happens to be how I roll – nothing special, but everything special. Another quote from Narayan, advice given to her by a Zen abbess before a long retreat: “Just come back more like yourself.”
Day 5. I am the luckiest person in the world. What a conscious pleasure to simply paint. The staff uphold this place as a sacred container for art making (gratitude to Program Manager Carrie Hardison, Executive Director Ben Shockey and Facilities Manager Mark Hedrick). And the artist cohort who arrived (writer Leslie Kirk Campbell, wood carver Stan Peterson, visual artist Christine Bourdette and others) extended the friendliness as fellow travelers. Thank you Playa. 10 days next time?
Upcoming workshop at Northwind Art School, Building 306, Fort Worden, Port Townsend: Paint with Poems, October 26 and 27, 2-4pm. Just a couple spots left! Join me as we explore poetry as a way to inspire your art making.